Pride and Prejudice

Well, I've taken a tech job in a theatre production. A new adaptation of the Jane Austen book referenced in the title. It pays a pittance, but it will give me a chance to get some new connections in that arena. Haven't worked theatre tech in almost 10 years.

This job search process is getting me down. It is a constant fight to keep the mental attitude up when the phone simply is not ringing.

This last weekend has wrenched my head a bit. As part of the activities, I had to visualize what I wanted to look like -- How my life would be perfect, including appearance, job, and the rest of my life. It made me acutely aware of some things.

I want to write for a living. This is really what I want to do. I have other options, but writing is what I think will renew my spirit. I interact with words.

I want an environment where it is okay to be me. WHere people are not weirded out by my unwillingness to settle on a gender role.

And I want my appearance to be MUCH more gender neutral. I need to lose some weight. I need to change my hair. and some of the modifications I want will require surgery. Small breasts that are easy to conceal or accent, depending on which side I want to portray, for example. And I want all the hair on my legs and the extra stuff in my eyebrows zapped. I don't like hassling with shaving or plucking.

This is a lot to take in. And of course, modifying my body is a big step, and an expensive one when someone is not working. Plus, I want all of this done right now. Not tomorrow.

This will be a challenge for me....