![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Health and Healing seems to be at the forefront right now.
I got out of a really toxic relationship back in February. I must say that was not one of my more astute moments -- I got played. I'm actually starting now to get past some of the anger and resentment. It has taken some time, but I feel much better.
I spent last week feeling like hammered dogshit. Upper Respiratory Infection. I went through the normal stages -- Feeling Crappy, Feeling sick, Wishing someone would kill me, thinking I'm going to die, then waking up feeling like I might survive and into the aftermath. I'm now into the stage I refer to as "The Eterno-Cough."
I have friends who are going through some rather major medical hells right now. The daughter of someone I initiated just finished her cycle of Chemo for Ovarian Cancer (at age 13...) while someone else I consider a friend is facing Cancer too.
Of course, another HUGE factor in this is that 5 years ago I was smack in the middle of THE ORDEAL. it was around this time that things were the worst. By now I'd finished the 5 surgeries in 7 days, and everyone was flipping out because I was thirdspacing really bad and my GI system, especially the pancreas, was not recovering. It's right about the time of the renal failure, too. Of course, I know about all of this second hand -- a constant Morphine/Adavan drip tends to make a lot of things disappear before they process to memory. I find myself thinking more of the recovery. Learning to walk again. Regaining motor control. Reestablishing enough concentration so that I could read. Learning to eat solid food again. Learning to get around with a still open wound in my abdomen. A major illness is a powerful force in a person's life. It transforms the person. It gives them a clarity and focus that burns away a lot of the little things. I lost a lot of anger and resentments then, and I guess the need to lose some of that for my most recent Ex is why this is all coming up now.
But today, I feel better. Less weighted down. I'm looking for things to resolve out sooner rather than later. and it feels pretty good.
I got out of a really toxic relationship back in February. I must say that was not one of my more astute moments -- I got played. I'm actually starting now to get past some of the anger and resentment. It has taken some time, but I feel much better.
I spent last week feeling like hammered dogshit. Upper Respiratory Infection. I went through the normal stages -- Feeling Crappy, Feeling sick, Wishing someone would kill me, thinking I'm going to die, then waking up feeling like I might survive and into the aftermath. I'm now into the stage I refer to as "The Eterno-Cough."
I have friends who are going through some rather major medical hells right now. The daughter of someone I initiated just finished her cycle of Chemo for Ovarian Cancer (at age 13...) while someone else I consider a friend is facing Cancer too.
Of course, another HUGE factor in this is that 5 years ago I was smack in the middle of THE ORDEAL. it was around this time that things were the worst. By now I'd finished the 5 surgeries in 7 days, and everyone was flipping out because I was thirdspacing really bad and my GI system, especially the pancreas, was not recovering. It's right about the time of the renal failure, too. Of course, I know about all of this second hand -- a constant Morphine/Adavan drip tends to make a lot of things disappear before they process to memory. I find myself thinking more of the recovery. Learning to walk again. Regaining motor control. Reestablishing enough concentration so that I could read. Learning to eat solid food again. Learning to get around with a still open wound in my abdomen. A major illness is a powerful force in a person's life. It transforms the person. It gives them a clarity and focus that burns away a lot of the little things. I lost a lot of anger and resentments then, and I guess the need to lose some of that for my most recent Ex is why this is all coming up now.
But today, I feel better. Less weighted down. I'm looking for things to resolve out sooner rather than later. and it feels pretty good.
