If Dr. Seuss Did Tech Support

(I found the kernel of this years ago, and took the time to expand it a bit. Just located it on a CD-ROM, so I thought I'd share)

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
So your box went ding and you can't ping the server or the frame,
The net neigborhood's not looking good and nothing knows your name,
And your spreadsheet's beat and cried defeat and won't sum up your rows,
Then your server died or router fried and that means friend you're hosed!

If your new screen is distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then the problem's not your keyboard or your printer or your mouse,
Take the monitor back to the store and tell them they're a louse!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
Because as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.