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Okay, a bit of an update.
Moods
I continue to be all over the map. Hey, at least I know the Estradiol is working. I've had a lot of things that have bounced me all over the place.
A new thing (well, I had one or two a very long time ago, but it's been at least three decades) are the anxiety surges. My stress levels have been higher than normal thanks to different things. I've got good meds for much of that, but I'm going to talk with the transplant doctor on Friday about restarting Aderax. I wasn't taking it for anxiety, I was taking it for itching, but it also has anti-anxiety benefits. I'll get more into Friday's plan in a bit.
Extroversion
A week ago this prior Friday I was invited to dinner by neighbors. They also had a guest in town, so I got to meet a new person, and she was way cool. I had a total blast. I was around people, as in several, and I got to be an extrovert again, something I've been denied for a long time thanks to the plague and before that having to deal with the spoon sucking dialysis process.
It was glorious. I felt like I was back to some sense of normal, and we had a great time. We discussed many things, ranging from my writing to ancient religions to eye color to some recent incidents. At one point one of my unusual simelies got her laughing so hard she was beating on the table with her head on it to the point I was wondering if she was going to be able to breathe. It was one of those infectious laughs that I had to fight to keep from catching. According to reports a great time was had by all.
Then Saturday sucked. Hard. It was like a withdrawal. I like to say that sushi is like sex, the longer it's been since I've had it the easier it is to forget how much I enjoy it. (Not that I remember the latter very well anymore) Extroversion is like that too. I spent all day fighting to keep my mood enough to write because I know it's going to be a while before that kind of opportunity comes around again. Bummer.
10/08/2021: Collapsing the wave Fronts
October 8th is National Coming Out day. I've never participated in the past, because either everyone knew me as my living name from the start, like multiple online places, or the few dead name places are places where I was trying to connect with people who only knew my dead name. The biggest place where this is the case is ZuckerBook.
So here's the plan. I've already deleted my profile picture. Nobody's commented on it being gone so far. A week from Friday I'll make the switch, including a new head shot. I'll also make a post about the things I've been stealthing or soft pedaling -- my gender identity, my sexual preference, and my faith. I'm hoping I don't lose a bunch of friends from this, but if so, I'll accept that because I don't want to inflict anything on someone if they can't handle it. Maybe next lifetime will be different for them.
From this point on it'll be no more dead name. I've got my fingerprint cards, so I'm ready to file with the courts, though I might be able to also file for a gender marker change too; I've got someone researching that for me so maybe I can do both at the same time with a single court fee. From that point my dead name will be relegated to those in my family who can't make the change, and I don't have much contact with them anyway.
The Photo Shoot
I want a good head shot and other pictures, so a week from today, October 3, we're going to do a full makeover and photo shoot with two different looks.
The plan is to do a color job on my hair during this next week. If my neighbor likes the color on me we'll order a couple of wigs from his work. (my hair is thin and fine enough it doesn't style well) On Friday October 1 I've got appointments at the transplant clinic for a regular check-up and the infusion center to get my biologics infusion to deal with rejection issues. My roommate is going to schedule me an appointment at Aveda for a brow wax (because it's been a while) and facial. (never had one before) Sometime over the weekend, I'm guessing Saturday 10/02, she'll do my nails -- smoothing, some shaping, and a clear coat. Then on Sunday we'll do a pair of makeovers and photo shoots.
The first one is a normal modern look for my Zuckerbook profile picture (what's the difference between a profile picture and a cover photo?) and other needs. That's a daytime shot. Then comes a break to get folks fed (always feed the crew, more so if they're not getting paid) and we'll do an 80s style makeover with appropriate wardrobe for a night shoot, hopefully on the back porch of the Bathhouse Cultural Center. This'll give us a gorgeous view of the Dallas skyline in my background. This will be a lot more dramatic, and at least one of these pictures will wind up here as another profile picture for some of my posts. (maybe the music ones, though it might get used for the metaphysical ones instead)
I've used some gift cards I've had for a bit to buy some new clothes for this shoot, and it's going to be both fun and a cool experience. I'm looking forward to it.
Elation
I was chilling out on Thursday after my daily phone call to one of my friends when I checked my email. I had one from Magnets and Ladders, where I submit things on a semi-regular basis.
<a href="www.magnetsandladders.org">Magnets and Ladders</a>
They are publishing two of my submissions, "Before the Fall" and "Remember to Tip", and these represent a wide range of my mainstream fiction. The first one is a dark tale inside the psyche of someone who's willing to maim his child to save her soul. This was tough to write, as that's a foreign perspective for me, where faith is that oppressive a factor in one's life. The latter one is a light and positive tale about someone who's given far more than the normal tip for serving a meal.
"Before the Fall" won their contest for the issue in the fiction category. They're sending me a check for the prize. This reminded me that not all mood volatility is about being down. I was way past elated. I wanted to get up and Snoopy Dance. On one hand, they always publish at least one story of mine, because they seem to like my stuff. And I knew there was a possibility "Before The Fall" would place. "Power of the Press" took first place a while back, and when I submitted a year ago "Consequences" took second place. But knowing something's likely and experiencing it with mood enhancement are two different things.
The Big One
I had some emails about my health plan I wanted to deal with, so I called my insurance company. So I got into a discussion about Gender Affirmation Surgery, which they cover on a case by case basis. I'm going to have to verify this, because it can't be 100% true, but from what I was told on that call, all I have to do is call the GAS surgeon's office and get them talking to my PCP and everything should be covered with the surgery, both top and bottom. The only charge will be hospital related. If it's outpatient (I think this is impossible to do with these surgeries) it'll cost between $0-225, while inpatient will be the standard fee for 1-5 days and then nothing for 6-90 days in. But since I've already hit my out of pocket for the year I'll pay $0 if I can get this worked out before the end of the year. This means I'll need to figure out how to get down to Houston and find somewhere to crash too. I'm going to call the surgeon's office in the next couple of days to find out what the particulars are and if that agent was smoking something or if that's the real deal. If it's the right information I might brave a Mercury retrograde period to get this in motion. Talk about something deferred and getting realized. Another big bump in my mood.
So it's been an interesting couple of weeks. And the next two will also be interesting. Wish me luck.
What's coming up? I've got more on the tarot. I've got a couple on comparative deity. There are some songs I want to write about. And I'll also deal with the whole legal name change and maybe gender marker change process, along with how things went over in Zuckerland. And maybe I'll get to write about completing my transition and exiting the trans world. (Yes, I'm old school about it, and I know a lot of others don't see it that way, but individuality in both person and perspective is part of what makes us so interesting to interact with)
So until then, all the best,
Nyyki (she/her/Miss)
Moods
I continue to be all over the map. Hey, at least I know the Estradiol is working. I've had a lot of things that have bounced me all over the place.
A new thing (well, I had one or two a very long time ago, but it's been at least three decades) are the anxiety surges. My stress levels have been higher than normal thanks to different things. I've got good meds for much of that, but I'm going to talk with the transplant doctor on Friday about restarting Aderax. I wasn't taking it for anxiety, I was taking it for itching, but it also has anti-anxiety benefits. I'll get more into Friday's plan in a bit.
Extroversion
A week ago this prior Friday I was invited to dinner by neighbors. They also had a guest in town, so I got to meet a new person, and she was way cool. I had a total blast. I was around people, as in several, and I got to be an extrovert again, something I've been denied for a long time thanks to the plague and before that having to deal with the spoon sucking dialysis process.
It was glorious. I felt like I was back to some sense of normal, and we had a great time. We discussed many things, ranging from my writing to ancient religions to eye color to some recent incidents. At one point one of my unusual simelies got her laughing so hard she was beating on the table with her head on it to the point I was wondering if she was going to be able to breathe. It was one of those infectious laughs that I had to fight to keep from catching. According to reports a great time was had by all.
Then Saturday sucked. Hard. It was like a withdrawal. I like to say that sushi is like sex, the longer it's been since I've had it the easier it is to forget how much I enjoy it. (Not that I remember the latter very well anymore) Extroversion is like that too. I spent all day fighting to keep my mood enough to write because I know it's going to be a while before that kind of opportunity comes around again. Bummer.
10/08/2021: Collapsing the wave Fronts
October 8th is National Coming Out day. I've never participated in the past, because either everyone knew me as my living name from the start, like multiple online places, or the few dead name places are places where I was trying to connect with people who only knew my dead name. The biggest place where this is the case is ZuckerBook.
So here's the plan. I've already deleted my profile picture. Nobody's commented on it being gone so far. A week from Friday I'll make the switch, including a new head shot. I'll also make a post about the things I've been stealthing or soft pedaling -- my gender identity, my sexual preference, and my faith. I'm hoping I don't lose a bunch of friends from this, but if so, I'll accept that because I don't want to inflict anything on someone if they can't handle it. Maybe next lifetime will be different for them.
From this point on it'll be no more dead name. I've got my fingerprint cards, so I'm ready to file with the courts, though I might be able to also file for a gender marker change too; I've got someone researching that for me so maybe I can do both at the same time with a single court fee. From that point my dead name will be relegated to those in my family who can't make the change, and I don't have much contact with them anyway.
The Photo Shoot
I want a good head shot and other pictures, so a week from today, October 3, we're going to do a full makeover and photo shoot with two different looks.
The plan is to do a color job on my hair during this next week. If my neighbor likes the color on me we'll order a couple of wigs from his work. (my hair is thin and fine enough it doesn't style well) On Friday October 1 I've got appointments at the transplant clinic for a regular check-up and the infusion center to get my biologics infusion to deal with rejection issues. My roommate is going to schedule me an appointment at Aveda for a brow wax (because it's been a while) and facial. (never had one before) Sometime over the weekend, I'm guessing Saturday 10/02, she'll do my nails -- smoothing, some shaping, and a clear coat. Then on Sunday we'll do a pair of makeovers and photo shoots.
The first one is a normal modern look for my Zuckerbook profile picture (what's the difference between a profile picture and a cover photo?) and other needs. That's a daytime shot. Then comes a break to get folks fed (always feed the crew, more so if they're not getting paid) and we'll do an 80s style makeover with appropriate wardrobe for a night shoot, hopefully on the back porch of the Bathhouse Cultural Center. This'll give us a gorgeous view of the Dallas skyline in my background. This will be a lot more dramatic, and at least one of these pictures will wind up here as another profile picture for some of my posts. (maybe the music ones, though it might get used for the metaphysical ones instead)
I've used some gift cards I've had for a bit to buy some new clothes for this shoot, and it's going to be both fun and a cool experience. I'm looking forward to it.
Elation
I was chilling out on Thursday after my daily phone call to one of my friends when I checked my email. I had one from Magnets and Ladders, where I submit things on a semi-regular basis.
<a href="www.magnetsandladders.org">Magnets and Ladders</a>
They are publishing two of my submissions, "Before the Fall" and "Remember to Tip", and these represent a wide range of my mainstream fiction. The first one is a dark tale inside the psyche of someone who's willing to maim his child to save her soul. This was tough to write, as that's a foreign perspective for me, where faith is that oppressive a factor in one's life. The latter one is a light and positive tale about someone who's given far more than the normal tip for serving a meal.
"Before the Fall" won their contest for the issue in the fiction category. They're sending me a check for the prize. This reminded me that not all mood volatility is about being down. I was way past elated. I wanted to get up and Snoopy Dance. On one hand, they always publish at least one story of mine, because they seem to like my stuff. And I knew there was a possibility "Before The Fall" would place. "Power of the Press" took first place a while back, and when I submitted a year ago "Consequences" took second place. But knowing something's likely and experiencing it with mood enhancement are two different things.
The Big One
I had some emails about my health plan I wanted to deal with, so I called my insurance company. So I got into a discussion about Gender Affirmation Surgery, which they cover on a case by case basis. I'm going to have to verify this, because it can't be 100% true, but from what I was told on that call, all I have to do is call the GAS surgeon's office and get them talking to my PCP and everything should be covered with the surgery, both top and bottom. The only charge will be hospital related. If it's outpatient (I think this is impossible to do with these surgeries) it'll cost between $0-225, while inpatient will be the standard fee for 1-5 days and then nothing for 6-90 days in. But since I've already hit my out of pocket for the year I'll pay $0 if I can get this worked out before the end of the year. This means I'll need to figure out how to get down to Houston and find somewhere to crash too. I'm going to call the surgeon's office in the next couple of days to find out what the particulars are and if that agent was smoking something or if that's the real deal. If it's the right information I might brave a Mercury retrograde period to get this in motion. Talk about something deferred and getting realized. Another big bump in my mood.
So it's been an interesting couple of weeks. And the next two will also be interesting. Wish me luck.
What's coming up? I've got more on the tarot. I've got a couple on comparative deity. There are some songs I want to write about. And I'll also deal with the whole legal name change and maybe gender marker change process, along with how things went over in Zuckerland. And maybe I'll get to write about completing my transition and exiting the trans world. (Yes, I'm old school about it, and I know a lot of others don't see it that way, but individuality in both person and perspective is part of what makes us so interesting to interact with)
So until then, all the best,
Nyyki (she/her/Miss)
