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nyykiIt's a ttrrend I seem to be unable to fight, and it's starting to get me down.
I got a call from my students, and their semester is already sandbagging them, so they're opting out of classes for the forseeable future. Couple this with the increasing complexity of my schedule this semester, and the rather hard problems I've had in getting home these last few days, and I'm feeling very isolated. This just reinforces a feeling I had on New Years, where I got the feelingthat I'm going to spend a lot more time alone this year than last, which was unacceptable to me last year.
And a lot of this is keying into issues I have feeling unwanted. I try to not go places where I'm not wanted, as I don't like inflicting myself on people who don't want me around. I know I'm a royal pain in the ass at times, and even more so now that I need assistance getting myself places, as the TxDOT really frowns on me driving myself. And I know I have a hard time reaching out when I need help -- Hell, I went two weeks needing to get to the grocery store because I couldn't find anyone to get me there. I don't know if that was because I wasn't asking the right people, or if I'm just that isolated.
I'm trying hard to not let this turn into a pity pool party, but I am having problems getting out of this funk I fell into back around the holidays. I'm finding that the whole problem I had with the person I know think of as "Lying Wolf" affected me a lot more than I want to admit, and this very long run of being alone on a n intimate level is starting to really wear on me, with absolutely no prospects of resolution on that front.
I also know that this is causing me to tend toward cynicism, and I don't like being there at all.I'm feeling really isolated, alone, and adrift. I'm finding myself questioning why I'm bothering getting a degree when it's not something I'll get to use -- it's like I'm just going for a marker just to get it, with no real reason behind it.
I've been told by people that they're impressed with how I've not let my blindness slow me down much, and how AI've managed to keep plugging along in the face of what is often crushing problems for other people. I look at what I'm doing, and I see it as me just doing what I was doing before, not because of any drive, but because that was what I was doing then and I simply haven't stopped it. It leaves me feeling empty.
I guess I've whined enough. I should probably eat something and find something to do here to occupy my time, as I'm stranded at the house today, and there's no one to do anything with.
I got a call from my students, and their semester is already sandbagging them, so they're opting out of classes for the forseeable future. Couple this with the increasing complexity of my schedule this semester, and the rather hard problems I've had in getting home these last few days, and I'm feeling very isolated. This just reinforces a feeling I had on New Years, where I got the feelingthat I'm going to spend a lot more time alone this year than last, which was unacceptable to me last year.
And a lot of this is keying into issues I have feeling unwanted. I try to not go places where I'm not wanted, as I don't like inflicting myself on people who don't want me around. I know I'm a royal pain in the ass at times, and even more so now that I need assistance getting myself places, as the TxDOT really frowns on me driving myself. And I know I have a hard time reaching out when I need help -- Hell, I went two weeks needing to get to the grocery store because I couldn't find anyone to get me there. I don't know if that was because I wasn't asking the right people, or if I'm just that isolated.
I'm trying hard to not let this turn into a pity pool party, but I am having problems getting out of this funk I fell into back around the holidays. I'm finding that the whole problem I had with the person I know think of as "Lying Wolf" affected me a lot more than I want to admit, and this very long run of being alone on a n intimate level is starting to really wear on me, with absolutely no prospects of resolution on that front.
I also know that this is causing me to tend toward cynicism, and I don't like being there at all.I'm feeling really isolated, alone, and adrift. I'm finding myself questioning why I'm bothering getting a degree when it's not something I'll get to use -- it's like I'm just going for a marker just to get it, with no real reason behind it.
I've been told by people that they're impressed with how I've not let my blindness slow me down much, and how AI've managed to keep plugging along in the face of what is often crushing problems for other people. I look at what I'm doing, and I see it as me just doing what I was doing before, not because of any drive, but because that was what I was doing then and I simply haven't stopped it. It leaves me feeling empty.
I guess I've whined enough. I should probably eat something and find something to do here to occupy my time, as I'm stranded at the house today, and there's no one to do anything with.
