![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyykiI've emptied his bowl and cleaned out the pan in his cage. The fleece mat and the cover for his bed have been washed and are in the dryer waiting for me to go get them. I still need to find some way to remove the stain from the cloth covered foam center to his bed.
I'll put his food up on freecycle in the next day or so. His water bottle has been emptied. I don't know what I'll do with his cage and other stuff, but I can't make that decision right now.
For the most part I'm doing okay, though it still hits me from time to time. I put his collar on the doorknob to my bedroom, and every time I move the door it sounds like he's right there -- I need to change that pretty quickly before it starts to unsettle me.
I deeply treasure all the times when he was there for me, when we'd go on walks or play on the floor or he'd come up because I was feeling sad and try to comfort me. I already miss reaching down as I sit in my computer chair and feeling his fur there so I could pet him.
I find myself wondering if there was anything I could have done to avoid this happening now. Perhaps he could have had a few more years of life. But I know, rationally, that isn't the case. Seventeen years is a very long life for any dog, even a small one like a Pomeranian. I just wish my heart would get the memo.
I know I'll survive this somehow, but I also know that it has changed me, and I don't know if these changes are good ones. I feel so totally alone. I know that the very best thing for me to do would be to get out, be around people, and not sit here isolated and alone. But the reality of my situation doesn't make that possible -- I'm blind, so just going out for a walk means the deep abject fear of getting lost. I'm in a situation where I live in a place where I have no resources reliable enough to be certain that I can get around as I need to. EVen the busses don't run on Sundays, so that option is out of the question. I guess the loss of one of my very best friends has driven home how truly isolated I am, and I don't know what it's going to take to fix it. However, I don't think that doing what I'm doing here and now leaves me much options for getting out of this situation.
I've tried to track down W, buth though I can get an address, I can't find any phone number to call. W's parents are also not available as an option, so I can't let W know about his death.
Just trying to get through the day. I have absolutely no drive to do homework or anything else right now. This sucks, and not the fun kind of suck.
I'll put his food up on freecycle in the next day or so. His water bottle has been emptied. I don't know what I'll do with his cage and other stuff, but I can't make that decision right now.
For the most part I'm doing okay, though it still hits me from time to time. I put his collar on the doorknob to my bedroom, and every time I move the door it sounds like he's right there -- I need to change that pretty quickly before it starts to unsettle me.
I deeply treasure all the times when he was there for me, when we'd go on walks or play on the floor or he'd come up because I was feeling sad and try to comfort me. I already miss reaching down as I sit in my computer chair and feeling his fur there so I could pet him.
I find myself wondering if there was anything I could have done to avoid this happening now. Perhaps he could have had a few more years of life. But I know, rationally, that isn't the case. Seventeen years is a very long life for any dog, even a small one like a Pomeranian. I just wish my heart would get the memo.
I know I'll survive this somehow, but I also know that it has changed me, and I don't know if these changes are good ones. I feel so totally alone. I know that the very best thing for me to do would be to get out, be around people, and not sit here isolated and alone. But the reality of my situation doesn't make that possible -- I'm blind, so just going out for a walk means the deep abject fear of getting lost. I'm in a situation where I live in a place where I have no resources reliable enough to be certain that I can get around as I need to. EVen the busses don't run on Sundays, so that option is out of the question. I guess the loss of one of my very best friends has driven home how truly isolated I am, and I don't know what it's going to take to fix it. However, I don't think that doing what I'm doing here and now leaves me much options for getting out of this situation.
I've tried to track down W, buth though I can get an address, I can't find any phone number to call. W's parents are also not available as an option, so I can't let W know about his death.
Just trying to get through the day. I have absolutely no drive to do homework or anything else right now. This sucks, and not the fun kind of suck.
