Losing a Friend
Jun. 28th, 2010 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyykiI have this friend, though I question that label at this point. Let's call this person Oscar.
When I met Oscar this was someone who had their life mostly in order. Their parents were jerks, but Oscar had a job teaching kids, was working on a Master's Degree, and was taking meds to keep stable. Oscar helped me with a lot of things, like getting ot the bank and doing things online at sites that weren't the most accessible.
Last summer Oscar started slipping. It started with dating people of questionable character, then the dropping of the Master's program, job, and meds.
When I moved from Denton Oscar started dating one of my roommates, who is both a serious abuse survivor and also an un-medicated bi-polar. This relationship got very co-dependent quickly, and I started distancing myself from them.
My roommate left owing me money. Oscar paid $25 of that, the only part of that debt I've been paid so far, about six weeks ago.
Things have taken another down-turn with Oscar. Phone conversations will go on for over an hour, but I won't say more than a dozen words, because Oscar is clearly manic and monopolizes the conversation. Things with the ex-roomate have gotten scary at points, as the ex is, according to Oscar, an abusive personality. But Oscar loves the ex-roommate, so puts up with the abuse.
Yesterday Oscar and I talked, though of course Oscar did most of the talking. Then we made plans to go and see the visiting Hindu Guru Amma today. I started getting a weird feeling about it, and decided I didn't want to go. Oscar also wanted me to pay $15 to cover gas, which is far more than it would require. So last night I sent a text message, since I didn't think I could get a word in edgewise if I called, and said I wasn't going after all.
While on the phone with my friend Zenguin today Oscar called twice in fast succession. I called Oscar back, and was told that Oscar was at my bank, with the account information I gave the ex-roommate to use to deposit money toward the debt, and that I owed Oscar that $25 used to pay the debt earlier. I explained that no, that wasn't the case, and it wasn't going to happen. Oscar threatened to use my personal information to take it, but I relayed that the account is overdrawn, (thanks to some unexpected problems with my disability) and that they wouldn't give anyone any money from that account, and that any attempts to remove money from that account would result in criminal charges for fraud, theft, and Identity theft as well as anything else the bank would tack on. The call didn't go well.
I'm floored. What makes anyone think they could go to someone else's bank and withdraw money? The violation of trust here is staggaring. I'm hurt, frustrated, and more than a bit angry at this. Before I called Oscar I changed every password that I can think of that Oscar knows of mine, and I wrote a letter that I'm going to send in a couple of days to Oscar explaining how I feel about this and that I'm done.
Zenguin tells me this is typical Manic behavior -- ideas that no sane or stable individual would ever dream of are apparently rational to the person in a fit of mania, and this is not atypical at all. Well, it may be typical, but it's not acceptible to me, and Oscar just lost a friend and ally. I told the ex-roommate when last we spoke that using Oscar's phone won't reach me, as Oscar has a custom ring on my phone and I won't answer it anymore. I'm done. So done that I'm well done. Still, it hurts.
When I met Oscar this was someone who had their life mostly in order. Their parents were jerks, but Oscar had a job teaching kids, was working on a Master's Degree, and was taking meds to keep stable. Oscar helped me with a lot of things, like getting ot the bank and doing things online at sites that weren't the most accessible.
Last summer Oscar started slipping. It started with dating people of questionable character, then the dropping of the Master's program, job, and meds.
When I moved from Denton Oscar started dating one of my roommates, who is both a serious abuse survivor and also an un-medicated bi-polar. This relationship got very co-dependent quickly, and I started distancing myself from them.
My roommate left owing me money. Oscar paid $25 of that, the only part of that debt I've been paid so far, about six weeks ago.
Things have taken another down-turn with Oscar. Phone conversations will go on for over an hour, but I won't say more than a dozen words, because Oscar is clearly manic and monopolizes the conversation. Things with the ex-roomate have gotten scary at points, as the ex is, according to Oscar, an abusive personality. But Oscar loves the ex-roommate, so puts up with the abuse.
Yesterday Oscar and I talked, though of course Oscar did most of the talking. Then we made plans to go and see the visiting Hindu Guru Amma today. I started getting a weird feeling about it, and decided I didn't want to go. Oscar also wanted me to pay $15 to cover gas, which is far more than it would require. So last night I sent a text message, since I didn't think I could get a word in edgewise if I called, and said I wasn't going after all.
While on the phone with my friend Zenguin today Oscar called twice in fast succession. I called Oscar back, and was told that Oscar was at my bank, with the account information I gave the ex-roommate to use to deposit money toward the debt, and that I owed Oscar that $25 used to pay the debt earlier. I explained that no, that wasn't the case, and it wasn't going to happen. Oscar threatened to use my personal information to take it, but I relayed that the account is overdrawn, (thanks to some unexpected problems with my disability) and that they wouldn't give anyone any money from that account, and that any attempts to remove money from that account would result in criminal charges for fraud, theft, and Identity theft as well as anything else the bank would tack on. The call didn't go well.
I'm floored. What makes anyone think they could go to someone else's bank and withdraw money? The violation of trust here is staggaring. I'm hurt, frustrated, and more than a bit angry at this. Before I called Oscar I changed every password that I can think of that Oscar knows of mine, and I wrote a letter that I'm going to send in a couple of days to Oscar explaining how I feel about this and that I'm done.
Zenguin tells me this is typical Manic behavior -- ideas that no sane or stable individual would ever dream of are apparently rational to the person in a fit of mania, and this is not atypical at all. Well, it may be typical, but it's not acceptible to me, and Oscar just lost a friend and ally. I told the ex-roommate when last we spoke that using Oscar's phone won't reach me, as Oscar has a custom ring on my phone and I won't answer it anymore. I'm done. So done that I'm well done. Still, it hurts.
