Here and Now

[nyyki]

Lips unkissed.
Hands un-held.
Sweet Nothings never spoken and caresses never made.
Nothing to hold.
Nothing to lean to.
Nothing to be there for or give support.
How long is it reasonable to wait for a touch, a turn of phrase, the feelings of being alone relaxing a bit? Once hope is defeated and the reality sets in with no warmth to help, it becomes a closed system.
Nothing new. Nothing changed. Nothing but days trailing other days.
I wonder if this can be considered to be healthy, safe – I don’t think we were designed for this.
But lips are still unkissed, hand still unheld, Love still distant and elusive. And the choice is to either live with it all or throw in the towel and end the suffering; which is better in the long run?

Comments

[flamingsword]

Better for who? Better at what?

I need so much coffee today.

[nyyki]

Reread after caffeination.

[flamingsword]

Love’s a bit Pascal’s Wager, isn’t it? We’re all gambling on whether love is real, whether it is findable within our brief lives, whether it will be worth the price of all the pain we go through. But if we don’t stick around to see whether it is, then we can’t know, and not knowing is intolerable to lots of us.

Is the pain more intolerable to you than the unanswered questions? Is this eros-lessness a bottleneck to your ability to Nyyki-fy your life of philautia? Do storgē and pragma count for so little without the agape? I can’t solve your risk benefit assessment, obviously; what I can do is be a friend with philia, and to hope you survive this pain while you live the questions.

Alabama Shakes - Hold On (not a cover, just a song on YouTube) https://youtu.be/Le-3MIBxQTw

[nyyki]

Agape isn't a factor -- I have friends who I can consider a community, but we differ on the break between agape and eros.

I feel alone right now. I know, well, the difference between getting out of the hospital and having someone there for me and the converse, and the lack of a source of strokes makes the post-hospitalization far harder.