The Big Unclench

I talked with my most recent ex last night. It's been a while.

I've carried around a lot of anger, hurt, and resentment over things that happened in the relationship. Last night helped me get out of the anger and hurt mode.

I no longer have that anger or venom flaring when I think of them. It's nice. I'm getting to the point where I can forgive for the things done and said.

Forgiveness is a concept I treat differently from the popular concept of it. It does not mean what the person did is okay. It also does not mean that the person will ever get a chance to do it again. And it does not mean I will forget. Also, it does not mean that I trust them, or that I want a friendship with them.

What it means is that I'm tired of carrying the hurt and pain, and that I'm no longer going to put my energy into the anger or give my power to them by holding on to what is done and over. It is a putting to bed of the matter, where it is the past, not something coloring my present and dragging down my future.

Today looks a little brighter than yesterday.