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Resignation and Reflection
Apr. 17th, 2011 12:29 pmI have to come to terms with the possibility that she might not ever contact me. A certain percentage of folks use a manic break to completely drop their old life and never go back at all. This helps them deal with the problems and responsibilities that arise in their old life they can't face. I don't like thinking I'm a problem, but since I have no idea what is going through her head at the moment nothing can be ruled out.
Not taking this personally is extremely hard. I know much of this is about her and where her head is, (I can think of several pithy suggestions, but that serves no good purpose at this point) but in all honesty it's not right to assume that this is really about me -- it has to come from somewhere, and since this came completely out of the blue and happened so fast the reasons for it have to harken back to her no longer taking her meds. Looks like the question of if she's bipolar or not has been answered.
If I could say without a shadow of a doubt that she was in her right mind and functioning normally then this would be it -- I'd call her sister, get her stuff out of my house, and be done with her. This level of treatment is beyond the pale for me, and I don't consort with people who break faith with me. But I can't make that determination, and in fact all evidence is to the contrary, so I have to do what I can to find balance while letting her have her holiday from life.
I've had friends come by to help clean up some of the discord in the house. The Zen room is still a cluttered mess, but the bedroom is in much better shape now. With any luck I'll get someone by soon to help with the Zen room, and then later find one or more folks to help with the front bedroom. If I don't hear from her before the end of the month I'll need to start looking into getting that room in shape for a roommate, which will be something of a headache. But I have to move forward even though I want to just sit here, do nothing, and waste the time away.
Not taking this personally is extremely hard. I know much of this is about her and where her head is, (I can think of several pithy suggestions, but that serves no good purpose at this point) but in all honesty it's not right to assume that this is really about me -- it has to come from somewhere, and since this came completely out of the blue and happened so fast the reasons for it have to harken back to her no longer taking her meds. Looks like the question of if she's bipolar or not has been answered.
If I could say without a shadow of a doubt that she was in her right mind and functioning normally then this would be it -- I'd call her sister, get her stuff out of my house, and be done with her. This level of treatment is beyond the pale for me, and I don't consort with people who break faith with me. But I can't make that determination, and in fact all evidence is to the contrary, so I have to do what I can to find balance while letting her have her holiday from life.
I've had friends come by to help clean up some of the discord in the house. The Zen room is still a cluttered mess, but the bedroom is in much better shape now. With any luck I'll get someone by soon to help with the Zen room, and then later find one or more folks to help with the front bedroom. If I don't hear from her before the end of the month I'll need to start looking into getting that room in shape for a roommate, which will be something of a headache. But I have to move forward even though I want to just sit here, do nothing, and waste the time away.
