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The Other Shoe
Apr. 18th, 2011 12:54 amWell, I just got an email from her, and she gave me a date and time she'd like to get her stuff out. She also was somewhat harsh about it, and told me she wants no further contact with me ever again.
I honestly can't figure out this woman. I'm not sure what got her to the point where she responded this way, and I have to figure that altered cognitive processes are at least somewhat to blame. People in manic phases tend to think in ways normal folks find incomprehensible, so this isn't surprising. But this is what she wants, and I'm willing to give it to her and not contact her ever again if that is how she wants it. It won't make me stop loving her.
I've been reflecting on some things today from the advice of a friend. The situation is a bit odd now and in some ways seemed calculated to hurt as much as possible, but it isn't a failed relationship. We were good together, and only her inability to take responsibility for herself and her choices killed it. I will remember the good parts fondly for the rest of my days. And I was good to her. I supported her when she went through all her direction changes, (a common thing when someone is bipolar) and did all I could to be caring, tender, and supportive to her. I have no regrets here, and I didn't quit -- she did.
I plan on putting all the broken promises, abusive statements and actions, and the pain of this last week and a half behind me and try hard to remember only the good times. And I wish her the best in her future life, especially in getting her disease under control and in finding whatever it is she is looking for. I've removed her from my friends list here so she can write whatever she wants without me looking over her shoulder, deleted all my emails to her from my sent items, removed her phone number from my phone directory, and removed her food items from my running grocery list. I'll probably think of more places where i can remove her data from my life as well, and hopefully soon this phase of my life will be over and I can move on to something new.
I've spoken of Agents, Actors, and Allies in the past, and this situation proves that you never know when an Agent is in your life until things come apart. I've learned a lot from this. I don't ever plan to date a former Mormon ever again. Any time I encounter an abuse victim or someone who is suffering from a psychological disorder I will shy away from getting involved unless they are in talk therapy to deal with their issues. I'm going to be a lot more careful about rebounds. And I'm not going to let someone ignore my needs in favor of their wants. Only because I loved her for so long did I make exceptions on these things, and I understand now I did both of us a disservice in doing so.
One request -- to those who have her as a friend, please don't tell me of what is going on in her life. She has requested no contact, and I'd appreciate your help in keeping that request. I've already been through enough pain with this situation, and I want to get past it and reach a point where I can remember the good times without having to feel the damage done from the end times and the lies and neglect. If you would honor this request I'd be greatly appreciative.
I honestly can't figure out this woman. I'm not sure what got her to the point where she responded this way, and I have to figure that altered cognitive processes are at least somewhat to blame. People in manic phases tend to think in ways normal folks find incomprehensible, so this isn't surprising. But this is what she wants, and I'm willing to give it to her and not contact her ever again if that is how she wants it. It won't make me stop loving her.
I've been reflecting on some things today from the advice of a friend. The situation is a bit odd now and in some ways seemed calculated to hurt as much as possible, but it isn't a failed relationship. We were good together, and only her inability to take responsibility for herself and her choices killed it. I will remember the good parts fondly for the rest of my days. And I was good to her. I supported her when she went through all her direction changes, (a common thing when someone is bipolar) and did all I could to be caring, tender, and supportive to her. I have no regrets here, and I didn't quit -- she did.
I plan on putting all the broken promises, abusive statements and actions, and the pain of this last week and a half behind me and try hard to remember only the good times. And I wish her the best in her future life, especially in getting her disease under control and in finding whatever it is she is looking for. I've removed her from my friends list here so she can write whatever she wants without me looking over her shoulder, deleted all my emails to her from my sent items, removed her phone number from my phone directory, and removed her food items from my running grocery list. I'll probably think of more places where i can remove her data from my life as well, and hopefully soon this phase of my life will be over and I can move on to something new.
I've spoken of Agents, Actors, and Allies in the past, and this situation proves that you never know when an Agent is in your life until things come apart. I've learned a lot from this. I don't ever plan to date a former Mormon ever again. Any time I encounter an abuse victim or someone who is suffering from a psychological disorder I will shy away from getting involved unless they are in talk therapy to deal with their issues. I'm going to be a lot more careful about rebounds. And I'm not going to let someone ignore my needs in favor of their wants. Only because I loved her for so long did I make exceptions on these things, and I understand now I did both of us a disservice in doing so.
One request -- to those who have her as a friend, please don't tell me of what is going on in her life. She has requested no contact, and I'd appreciate your help in keeping that request. I've already been through enough pain with this situation, and I want to get past it and reach a point where I can remember the good times without having to feel the damage done from the end times and the lies and neglect. If you would honor this request I'd be greatly appreciative.
