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Catching Up From a Quiet Patch
Nov. 3rd, 2021 10:09 pmSorry for the lack of signal, folks, but it's been a bit heavy on the processing lately.
Coming out on ZuckerBook went a lot better than I suspected it would. One friend went away, and I have no idea who it was, so I won't know until they (maybe) ask to re-friend. I'm not judging anyone about this, I know I dropped a lot in one post, so overwhelming is a real possibility.
And speaking of this process, here's this:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zy8wun1bola766s/Modern%20Nicole%20by%20tree%20Waist%20up%20looking%20down%20%28Best%29.JPG?dl=0
I'm processing the reactions I've gotten about this shot. Self-concept is a complex thing, and hearing words I never associated with myself showing up a bunch of times makes me want to figure out what's getting this reaction. But I can't see it to know on an emotional level what this picture looks like. So I either have to decide that these words don't apply to me or work to find room for them in my psyche. Add to that how these are words so tied up in my gender identification and how vast a time it's been where that's been a core thing. So not only do I not identify as beautiful, gorgeous, or lovely, but I felt and thought I couldn't ever be identified as those things. It's kind of a massive hump to get over, but It's something I know I have to deal with.
In other news, Magnets and Ladders published two of my short stories in their Fall/Winter 2021/22 issue. One of them, "Before the Fall", won their fiction category. They're at www.magnetsandladders.org and I like what they're doing.
One of my big concerns is that I'm not writing near as much short fiction. That may be because I'm writing massive novels right now. Holly and the Wizards is at 774 pages, and it's got a lot more ground to cover. But yesterday I was in a conversation on ZB about a band I like a whole lot, Porcupine Tree, and we were comparing them without their current drummer and after he joined them. So I heard one of their songs twice, and the first two lines grabbed my imagination. An hour later I had a story of around 1500 words, spell-checked, proofed, and edited multiple times. times. Okay, it's been more of an issue of what I've been focusing on. That's heartening. I'm running out of shorter length stuff to submit to Magnets and Ladders.
Speaking of creative endeavors, I've managed to do something I've been wanting to do for a while. I've got a song with echo parts built in, so they track with a change in speed and lock to the pulse of the song. But I've wanted something extra, so I've got them bouncing around in the stereo field, independent of each other, and it creates a nice cloud or halo effect where the tracks seem to surround the listener. This isn't what I thought it would sound like, but I consider it to be both a lucky accident and also appropriate to the track. And I love being able to play in this kind of sandbox.
It's all about creativity for me. I've figured out that creativity is one of the sexiest things to me, though it doesn't seem to show up in who I dated in the past. Of course that's been a touch over 18% of my life, so I may be forgetting some things about them.
So that's it in a nutshell. I have several things I want to post here, so it's a matter of writing them and getting them put up. Hope y'all are doing well.
Nyyki (she/her/Miss)
Coming out on ZuckerBook went a lot better than I suspected it would. One friend went away, and I have no idea who it was, so I won't know until they (maybe) ask to re-friend. I'm not judging anyone about this, I know I dropped a lot in one post, so overwhelming is a real possibility.
And speaking of this process, here's this:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zy8wun1bola766s/Modern%20Nicole%20by%20tree%20Waist%20up%20looking%20down%20%28Best%29.JPG?dl=0
I'm processing the reactions I've gotten about this shot. Self-concept is a complex thing, and hearing words I never associated with myself showing up a bunch of times makes me want to figure out what's getting this reaction. But I can't see it to know on an emotional level what this picture looks like. So I either have to decide that these words don't apply to me or work to find room for them in my psyche. Add to that how these are words so tied up in my gender identification and how vast a time it's been where that's been a core thing. So not only do I not identify as beautiful, gorgeous, or lovely, but I felt and thought I couldn't ever be identified as those things. It's kind of a massive hump to get over, but It's something I know I have to deal with.
In other news, Magnets and Ladders published two of my short stories in their Fall/Winter 2021/22 issue. One of them, "Before the Fall", won their fiction category. They're at www.magnetsandladders.org and I like what they're doing.
One of my big concerns is that I'm not writing near as much short fiction. That may be because I'm writing massive novels right now. Holly and the Wizards is at 774 pages, and it's got a lot more ground to cover. But yesterday I was in a conversation on ZB about a band I like a whole lot, Porcupine Tree, and we were comparing them without their current drummer and after he joined them. So I heard one of their songs twice, and the first two lines grabbed my imagination. An hour later I had a story of around 1500 words, spell-checked, proofed, and edited multiple times. times. Okay, it's been more of an issue of what I've been focusing on. That's heartening. I'm running out of shorter length stuff to submit to Magnets and Ladders.
Speaking of creative endeavors, I've managed to do something I've been wanting to do for a while. I've got a song with echo parts built in, so they track with a change in speed and lock to the pulse of the song. But I've wanted something extra, so I've got them bouncing around in the stereo field, independent of each other, and it creates a nice cloud or halo effect where the tracks seem to surround the listener. This isn't what I thought it would sound like, but I consider it to be both a lucky accident and also appropriate to the track. And I love being able to play in this kind of sandbox.
It's all about creativity for me. I've figured out that creativity is one of the sexiest things to me, though it doesn't seem to show up in who I dated in the past. Of course that's been a touch over 18% of my life, so I may be forgetting some things about them.
So that's it in a nutshell. I have several things I want to post here, so it's a matter of writing them and getting them put up. Hope y'all are doing well.
Nyyki (she/her/Miss)
