Communication
Mar. 5th, 2001 11:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyykiWhy is it that we don't even close to speaking the same language most of the time?
I see a lot of hurt feelings just because no one understands what the people in their life are really saying, and because no one verifies that they heard right before reacting.
The s/o and I are in the midst of another 'Argument" right now, though it is not an active one. (The s/o likes to call them discussions, but is truly unaware of how they sound on my end.) And the s/o still needs to understand that there is more than one way to communicate, and treating someone like dirt and attacking the person instead of the behavior is just mean. I have a hard time with this. I firmly believe that when dealing with people you care about, you're not out to win -- for friends and loved ones, the goal is to tie.
Of course, the s/o is new to this communication in a relationship thing. So there is always a shutting down if things don't go well. And of course, I do feel that some of the problems are ones of projection -- the s/o sees problems in me that are from the s/o's filters and perspective, not my behavior.
It's still worth the work, though.
I see a lot of hurt feelings just because no one understands what the people in their life are really saying, and because no one verifies that they heard right before reacting.
The s/o and I are in the midst of another 'Argument" right now, though it is not an active one. (The s/o likes to call them discussions, but is truly unaware of how they sound on my end.) And the s/o still needs to understand that there is more than one way to communicate, and treating someone like dirt and attacking the person instead of the behavior is just mean. I have a hard time with this. I firmly believe that when dealing with people you care about, you're not out to win -- for friends and loved ones, the goal is to tie.
Of course, the s/o is new to this communication in a relationship thing. So there is always a shutting down if things don't go well. And of course, I do feel that some of the problems are ones of projection -- the s/o sees problems in me that are from the s/o's filters and perspective, not my behavior.
It's still worth the work, though.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Mars... Venus... 'nuff said.
I might suggest that you read a book called "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. There's several techniques in there for being heard by your spouse, and for hearing the spouse (or s/o)... It's standard fodder in marital counseling, and for good reason.
Hope it all works out for you.