Things I've learned
Apr. 27th, 2011 10:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyykiThis has been a learning experience for me. I know more things will come to my awareness soon, but here's what I've realized so far.
The Minor Things:
All folks suffering with Bipolar Personality Disorder go off their meds. I knew this, but for some reason I thought I knew an exception.
Someone who is in a manic break doesn't act like the same person.
When dealing with anyone who has a psychological disorder it is wise to get phone numbers for doctors, family, insurance, and other key people.
Someone who is not thinking straight can respond to stimuli in very disproportionate ways.
Be wary of someone who is always crying abuse, as they often abuse others themselves.
The major things are much more important:
Friends are one of our most valuable resources. They're what keep us sane when a loved one goes off the rails.
Don't throw your needs under the bus for someone else's wants.
A difference of values is far more critical than a difference of philosophy, and is a critical point in compatibility.
Honesty and communication are vital to a relationship and also the most common place where relationships fail. Honesty isn't the same for everyone, and ditto for communication. And if someone doesn't want to try, neither of these are enough.
"I love You" means different things to different people, and if the person you're involved with doesn't mean the same thing you do when they say it there's a big potential for trouble.
Someone who doesn't respect themselves probably is incapable of showing respect for others.
And the VERY BIG thing:
It's a good time to stop reenacting my mother by dating bipolar women. I didn't do this formerly, it's just cropped up in the last couple of years, and it's time for it to crawl back into it's little box never to be seen again.
This is what I've learned from this current situation so far. I suspect there is still more to learn from it. I'm going to find a therapist I can afford to talk to and also look for a Bi-polarity survivors support group where I can talk with others of like experience about what happened to me. I don't want to keep the ick from this relationship in my psyche.
I'll always treasure the good parts of this relationship. There were a lot of good things. We had very compatible interests and we had a lot of good times together. After all, we were a month and a week away from a handfasting and marriage, so obviously something was working right until things got pear shaped. I have to always keep that in mind and resist the urge to recast things in light of the dark time at the end.
Will I ever talk to her again? I don't know. She's stated that she wants no further contact and that any contact will be considered harassment, so the ball's in her court on that. If she ever does contact me then I'm going to be a lot more wary about it, because at this point everything we had, the relationship and the friendship, has been thrown away by her in a very destructive way. If I am ever going to have any kind of continuing interaction with this person I need to know that I'm not going to get abused this way again. I've already forgiven her for what she did to me, but forgetting is foolish, and I will use this situation to modify my actions in the future.
The Minor Things:
All folks suffering with Bipolar Personality Disorder go off their meds. I knew this, but for some reason I thought I knew an exception.
Someone who is in a manic break doesn't act like the same person.
When dealing with anyone who has a psychological disorder it is wise to get phone numbers for doctors, family, insurance, and other key people.
Someone who is not thinking straight can respond to stimuli in very disproportionate ways.
Be wary of someone who is always crying abuse, as they often abuse others themselves.
The major things are much more important:
Friends are one of our most valuable resources. They're what keep us sane when a loved one goes off the rails.
Don't throw your needs under the bus for someone else's wants.
A difference of values is far more critical than a difference of philosophy, and is a critical point in compatibility.
Honesty and communication are vital to a relationship and also the most common place where relationships fail. Honesty isn't the same for everyone, and ditto for communication. And if someone doesn't want to try, neither of these are enough.
"I love You" means different things to different people, and if the person you're involved with doesn't mean the same thing you do when they say it there's a big potential for trouble.
Someone who doesn't respect themselves probably is incapable of showing respect for others.
And the VERY BIG thing:
It's a good time to stop reenacting my mother by dating bipolar women. I didn't do this formerly, it's just cropped up in the last couple of years, and it's time for it to crawl back into it's little box never to be seen again.
This is what I've learned from this current situation so far. I suspect there is still more to learn from it. I'm going to find a therapist I can afford to talk to and also look for a Bi-polarity survivors support group where I can talk with others of like experience about what happened to me. I don't want to keep the ick from this relationship in my psyche.
I'll always treasure the good parts of this relationship. There were a lot of good things. We had very compatible interests and we had a lot of good times together. After all, we were a month and a week away from a handfasting and marriage, so obviously something was working right until things got pear shaped. I have to always keep that in mind and resist the urge to recast things in light of the dark time at the end.
Will I ever talk to her again? I don't know. She's stated that she wants no further contact and that any contact will be considered harassment, so the ball's in her court on that. If she ever does contact me then I'm going to be a lot more wary about it, because at this point everything we had, the relationship and the friendship, has been thrown away by her in a very destructive way. If I am ever going to have any kind of continuing interaction with this person I need to know that I'm not going to get abused this way again. I've already forgiven her for what she did to me, but forgetting is foolish, and I will use this situation to modify my actions in the future.
